It's Time
by runningwyld
Summary: Steve can't bear another loss, so he decides Danny should retire from Five-0. Danny knows Steve hasn't been handling Doris' death very well, but he also knows retirement isn't the only thing he and Steve need to talk. Tonight they are going to talk about everything, including the elephant in the room. McDanno Pre-slash/first kiss.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Hawaii Five-0 or any of its characters. This is a work of fan fiction and no infringement is intended**.

A/N: It seems like I've written nothing but humor and fluff lately, and I was in the middle of writing another "Shirtless Wednesday/Take Your Shirt Off" story when the idea for this story came to me. It definitely doesn't warrant a "humor" tag like most of my others, but it does have a happy ending, so I hope you enjoy it. (McDanno Pre-Slash/First Kiss) The story is finished and I hope to have the 2nd of two chapters up later tonight.

* * *

Charlie threw the ball and Eddie chased it across Steve's backyard before bringing it back and dropping it at the boy's feet. As his reward, the dog received praise and a scratch behind the ears. It was a scene that had repeated itself numerous times over the last twenty minutes while Steve and Danny sat a short distance away, shoes off and Longboards in hand.

"I think you should retire."

Danny wasn't sure he heard Steve correctly, but before he could ask him to repeat himself, Steve spoke again. "I'm serious, Danny. I think you should retire. It's time."

Danny turned his gaze away from the game of fetch and looked over at his partner. Steve was staring at the water, but Danny didn't think he was actually seeing it. His jaw was clinched and if he gripped the neck of his beer bottle any tighter, Danny thought it might shatter.

"It's time? What the hell are you talking about, Steven? And, where is this coming from? I mean, was it or was it not you who threw a hissy fit a couple years ago at the mere suggestion that I might want to retire from Five-0 someday?"

Even though Steve was no longer looking out towards the water, he still wouldn't look Danny in the eye. Instead, he stared down at the beer bottle he was holding. "That was before," Steve told him. "But I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I finally realized how selfish I was being." He shot a brief pleading look at Danny. "I mean, you've got your 'twenty' so you could draw your pension and go do something else. Maybe Kamekona would hire you to work at _Steve's_. You'd like that since the financial risk and responsibility would be on the big guy this time."

"So, when you said I could 'go do something else,' you meant something safer."

Steve shrugged.

"What did you mean when you said 'that was before' when I asked you about not wanting me to retire back when the topic first came up a couple years ago? Before what?" Danny was pretty sure he already knew the answer, but he thought it would help Steve to voice his grief out loud.

"Before Joe White died in my arms," Steve admitted. "Before my mother was killed right in front of me." Danny saw the tears in Steve's eyes just as his partner looked back towards Charlie and Eddie. Danny followed his gaze. The dog as now on his back and Charlie was giving him what looked to be a vigorous belly rub. The sight must have been enough to allow Steve to get his tears, if not his emotions, under control because he took a deep breath and forged ahead. "I can't lose you too, Danny. I can't. I wouldn't survive."

Danny knew the loss of Joe had hit Steve especially hard, but Doris' death appeared to have affected him even more profoundly. Steve hadn't been able to compartmentalize his grief this time. In the past, when someone close to Steve died a violent death, his partner dealt with his pain by seeking justice. This time though, Steve just seemed like a lost little boy trying unsuccessfully to come to terms with the death of his mother. The only other time Danny had seen Steve act anywhere close to how he was now acting was after Wo Fat had tortured him and Danny had to remind him that his father was dead. Even then, once the cocktail of drugs he had been administered had worn off, Steve's normal bravado had quickly returned. This time was different, and Danny was worried that Steve would spiral into a deep depression that went well beyond the grief of losing a parent.

"Hell, Danny, I didn't even really like Doris, but she was my mom and I loved her. I'd seen her maybe once in the last two years, but I knew that she was out there, and as long as she was alive there was always a chance that we could have a real relationship again one day. That's all I ever wanted from her and now I'll never get it. Losing Joe was hard, Danny, but losing my mom … it was the last straw. I can't lose you too. I can't," he implored. "So, whatever I have to do to make sure you're safe, I'm willing to do it."

Danny tried to see beyond Steve's words to the motivation behind them. Was it just Danny whom Steve wanted to retire, or did he plan to talk to Lou too? What about the rest of team? Did Steve plan to retire as well? Because, dammit, Danny knew that if Steve was ever killed, he'd never get over the loss either.

"Look, Danny, there's nobody I trust more than you and there's nobody I'd rather have as my partner. I think, on some level, I've always felt like as long as we were partners that we could protect each other … that we may end up bloody and bruised, but we'd always survive because we had each other's backs. But, Danny, I can't pretend we're invincible anymore."

The emotion in Steve's voice, and in his eyes, made Danny wish he could give him whatever he wanted, but he knew it wasn't that simple. "Steve, I'm not sure this is the right time to have this discussion." When Steve started to protest, Danny quickly went on, "I'm supposed to drop Charlie back off at Rachel's in an hour. How about I pick us up some dinner and we can talk this through then? Alright? I think we have a lot to talk about."

"You could just agree to retire and then there wouldn't be anything left to talk about."

"Even you know that's not true," Danny told him.

"Yeah," Steve sighed. "I didn't think you'd let me get away with that, but I had to try." Steve once again looked down into his beer bottle, unable to meet Danny's eyes. "You're going to make me talk about my feelings, aren't you?"

Danny reached out and placed a hand on Steve's arm. When Steve finally looked up, Danny's voice was soft, but determined. "I think it's time. Don't you?" The resignation in Steve's eyes almost made Danny relent, but he knew this discussion had been put off for far too long, so instead, he stood up and called to Charlie that it was time to leave. "I'll be back soon, Steve."

Ninety minutes later, Danny entered Steve's unlocked front door carrying an obscene amount of food from their favorite Thai restaurant. He grabbed a couple more beers from the fridge and because he thought Steve would be more comfortable outside, he headed towards the lanai. Just as he was trying to figure out how to open the door with both his hands full, Steve came down the stairs. He took the beers, opened the door, and stepped out onto the lanai. Danny followed him, placed the bags on the table, and started pulling out the takeout containers. They ate in silence as they passed the Red Curry, spicy calamari, and Pad Thai back and forth between them. When they were done, Danny cleaned up, put the leftovers in the refrigerator, grabbed two more beers, and went back outside. Steve had not moved, and he was so lost in thought that he startled when Danny placed a bottle on the table in front of him and sat down.

"You ready to talk?" Danny asked.

"No, but I don't see anyway around it. Not if I'm going to convince you to retire."

_TBC shortly_


	2. Chapter 2

_"You ready to talk?" Danny asked._

_"No, but I don't see anyway around it. Not if I'm going to convince you to retire."_

Danny sat his bottle down and turned in his chair so he could look at Steve. "First, let me acknowledge that you've had a hell of a year. What with losing Joe, a man who was practically a father to you. Then losing your mom. Doris was never going win mother of the year, but that doesn't mean you loved her any less or that her death wasn't tragic." Steve didn't respond, just picked at the label on his Longboard, so Danny continued. "Worst of all, I know you, and I know you carry the guilt of not being able to save them, especially, since you were there when they both died. My god, I can't even imagine that. I know you won't believe me, but Steve, their deaths weren't your fault." Steve made a sound that was half sob, half scoff. Danny moved closer and laid a hand on Steve's knee before he continued. "Babe, they both chose that kind of life. And they stayed in the game long past the time when they should have gotten out. In Joe's case, retiring didn't make a difference, and in Doris' case … well, in her own misguided way she was attempting to make up for her failures as a mother by trying to provide for you, Mary, and Joanie. She was never going to be the mother you remember from childhood, babe, because that woman never really existed. You need to accept that, Steve. Morn her death, but don't morn the loss of a relationship that you never would have had."

When Danny finished, he realized that tears were streaming down Steve's face even though he wasn't making a sound. "Oh, babe." Danny moved from his chair and pulled Steve into his arms. As soon as he did, Steve keened, clutched at Danny, and began to sob into his chest. Danny held him tight and let him cry, occasionally stroking Steve's hair and murmuring words of comfort. Steve cried for so long and so inconsolably that Danny thought it was probably the first time he had ever let himself fully grieve. Not just Doris, but for all the people he'd lost in his life … Joe, Deb, his father, even Freddie. After what seemed like hours, Steve's sobs turned into weeping. Eventually, he quieted except for the occasional shuttering breath, but he never let go of Danny.

When he thought Steve was ready, Danny pulled back and tilted Steve's chin up so he could see his eyes. The sadness was still there, but Danny thought he saw a glimpse of Steve's old self in his eyes. Danny knew from experience how cathartic crying could be and he prayed that it was what Steve needed to get perspective and move forward in his grief. "Hey, why don't you let me get you a glass of water and then we can take a walk. What do you say?"

Steve leaned back in his chair, forcing Danny to drop his arms. They felt surprisingly empty. Steve nodded towards Danny's chest. "Maybe you should get yourself a dry shirt while you're at it."

"Yeah, you were quite the watering can," Danny returned Steve's attempt at humor because he knew that's what his partner needed him to do. "You're definitely going to need that glass of water. Can't have you getting dehydrated." He cupped Steve's cheek in his palm, leaned down, and placed a kiss on his forehead. "I'll be right back."

…...

The two walked side by side, lost in their own thoughts, as Eddie trailed behind them. After several minutes, it was Steve who finally broke the silence.

"Thank you, Danny. I guess I needed that back there. I mean it's no secret that I haven't been handling my mom's death very well. You were right though. Everything you said … you were right." Steve stopped walking and looked out over the water. Danny stood beside him, relieved that Steve was finally talking, and waited for him to continue.

"Mom and Joe, even my dad … they all knew the risks of their jobs, but they chose country and duty over hearth and home anyway. The adult in me, the Lieutenant Commander in me, can respect that, but the boy who basically lost both his parents when he was sixteen … well, he's angry as hell." Steve's shoulders drooped and he hung his head as if recalling an old, somewhat painful, memory. "Mom and Dad tried … when Mary and I were kids, they tried. They did a pretty good job too. We had a great childhood and I guess that's more than a lot of people get, but at the same time, it makes losing them a second time so much harder." He took a deep breath and looked up. Danny could see the determination in his posture now. "I'll be okay though. Eventually, I'll be okay because I have you and the rest of the team … my ohana. But, mostly, Danny, I know I'll be okay because I have you. That's why I need you to retire … so you'll be safe … so I don't lose you too."

"You'll always have me, Steve. Grace and Charlie and I, we're your family. We aren't going anywhere. Whether I retire or not, we're not going anywhere."

Steve bent down and picked up a rock and threw it out over the water. Even though the moon was bright, it was too dark to see where it sank. Danny knew Steve as trying to come up with the words to say what he was feeling, so he bent down and picked up his own rock and threw it into the darkness.

"Can we sit?" Steve asked.

"Sure."

By unspoken agreement they retraced their steps to where the grass met the sand and sat down. Eddie ambled over and laid down next the Steve, who immediately placed a hand on the dog's head.

"I love my sister and my niece, but when someone mentions family, theirs aren't the faces that spring to mind first. It's you Danny, you and Grace and Charlie. You're my real family and as hard as it's been to lose Joe and Mom, even Dad and Aunt Deb … it would be a thousand times worse to lose one of you."

Danny was about to speak, but Steve stopped him. "Wait. Let me finish because if I don't say what I have to say now, I probably never will."

"Alright, babe. I'm listening. You can tell me anything."

Danny watched as Steve absentmindedly scratched Eddie's head. It wasn't long, though, before Steve continued.

"Like I said before, I need you to be safe, Danno. I know there are no guarantees in life, but the chances of you getting hit by a bus are much less than the chances of you getting shot by some gunrunner we've gone to arrest. I know you've stayed with Five-0 because of me, and I was selfish to guilt you into that, but I'm going to be even more selfish now and ask you to retire."

Danny considered his words carefully because he knew this conversation had the potential to change everything. "Look Steve, I'm not saying no, but first I think we have a few other things to discuss. Things we've been putting off for way too long. I think it's time we finally lay all our cards on the table so that we know, once and for all, how we both feel."

"It's alright, Danny. I don't expect you to feel the same way about me as I feel about you. I mean, you have your own family, and I know that aside from Grace and Charlie, Rachel is the most important person in your life, but I sort of hoped that maybe I came next. Besides, wasn't your job one of the main reasons you and Rachel got divorced in the first place? So, the way I see it, if you retire, it can only help your relationship with Rachel. Right? So, win-win."

"You do know I don't really have mold in my house, don't you?" If Steve was confused by the non sequitur, he didn't show it.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks for worrying about me … for being here. It's really helped."

Danny acknowledged Steve's thanks with a brief nod and then said, "It was Rachel's year to have the Grace and Charlie for Thanksgiving. She asked me if I wanted to join them."

"Really? Why didn't you?"

"Because you come first," Danny told him matter-of-factly. Steve's intake of breath was audible. "You've always come before Rachel, Steve. Don't you remember when Rachel and I got back together the first time? We planned to leave Hawaii and return to Jersey after she found out she was pregnant with Charlie." Steve nodded. It was a bad time. Steve had thought he was close to finding the answers to his father's death; and instead, he ended up in jail accused of the governor's murder. "I stayed, Steve. Because of you, I stayed. I can't count the number of times over the last 9 ½ years that I put you before anything and anybody else … even before the kids, on occasion, when it was really important."

"Like landing that plane on the beach instead of ditching it in the ocean because you knew that was the only chance I had to survive?" It was Danny's turn to nod. "You risked leaving your kids without a father to save my life." Steve said. "Then you did it again when you gave me half your liver. I was so mad at you for that, Danny ... for risking your life, risking the life of Grace and Charlie's father, for me. I couldn't understand why you would do that."

Danny reached over and took Steve's hand, the one not resting on Eddie's head. "I did it because I love you. In those moments, saving your life was the most important thing. If you died and I survived without doing everything in my power to save you, I never would have recovered."

"I'm sorry I was such an ungrateful ass afterwards," Steve squeezed Danny's hand and gave him an apologetic smile.

"Yeah, well. It's part of your charm," Danny chuckled and squeezed Steve's hand in return.

They sat that way for a long time, hands clasped, each lost in the thoughts of all that had been said that night, both knowing that there was still much left to say.

"So, you and Rachel?"

"Yeah, that great experiment pretty much fizzled out," Danny told him. "Thanksgiving was just the final nail in the coffin. Giving it another go was worth it though because I was finally able to forgive her for all the lies and that's good for everybody. But, while I was able to let go of the last of my anger, I know I'll never be able to truly trust her, and a relationship without trust can't survive. We mutually decided we should just be friends and leave everything else in the past."

"Can you do that? Just be friends?" Steve asked. Danny knew Steve wasn't really asking whether he and Rachel could remain friends, but whether they could be just friends and not be enticed into wanting something more.

"Yeah. Yeah, we can do that," Danny told him. And Danny knew what he said was true. He would never be tempted by the thoughts of a relationship with Rachel again. Three times was enough. The difference was that this time they had parted as friends, and he could finally move on without looking back with regret.

"Good to know."

Danny smiled at Steve's brusque response.

"Steve?"

"Yeah, Danny?"

"It's time."

"To retire? Really? You'd do that just because I asked you to?"

"No, yes, maybe … what I mean is that it's time that we admit that there is a giant elephant in the room that we've been ignoring and maneuvering around for way too long." Danny could see the fear his words evoked. Since that was the last thing he wanted, Danny was quick to reassure his partner before fear of rejection made Steve clamp the lid closed on his emotions once again. They'd come way too far tonight for that. Freeing his hand from Steve's, Danny reached up and turned Steve's face so he could look him in the eye. "Hey, it's not just you. For the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and because of that, and for, oh, so many other reasons, I kept a tight rein on my feelings for you. But, ever since your mom died, all I've wanted to do was be there for you, to comfort you, to hold you. I love you, Steve, and if you're willing, I'd like to see if we can make this work because when everything is said and done, you are the most important person in my life. I think we both deserve to be happy and I'm pretty sure the only way that's going to happen is if we're together in every sense of the word.

Steve closed his eyes and leaned forward until their foreheads touched. Danny's hand slipped from Steve cheek to the back of his head.

"I love you too. So much," Steve whispered.

They were so close that it didn't take much for their lips to come together. The kiss was soft and welcoming, like coming home. When they broke apart, Danny briefly placed his lips against Steve's forehead before pulling him into an embrace. Neither knew how long they stayed that way, wrapped in each other's arms. Eventually, Danny became aware of his exhaustion, and he knew that Steve must be even more tired. Expending that much emotion in one night, while cathartic, was physically draining.

"Hey, what do you say we get some sleep. We can pick this up in the morning."

"You'll stay?" Steve asked.

"Of course. I was planning to do that anyway, if you'll remember. The fictional mold situation?" Danny reminded him.

"Junior?"

"I texted him when I was waiting for our takeout and told him to find other accommodations for tonight." At Steve's look, Danny explained. "I knew we had a lot to discuss and I didn't want to be interrupted. Besides, it gave him an excuse to stay with Tani."

"We never did really discuss you retiring," Steve pointed out.

"Yeah, well, we obviously had a lot of other things to talk about first. I'm exhausted and not really up for much more discussion, but how about we agree to sit down tomorrow and figure out how we can both step back a bit from the more dangerous aspects of the job. Tani and Junior have come a long way in the last couple of years, and Quinn is basically a female version you. Not to mention, Lou can always call in SWAT whenever we need more firepower. So, I think we can concentrate more on the investigations and tactical planning and let the younger folks take on more responsibility in the field. Because Steve, you can't ask me to play it safer unless you're willing to do the same. We're partners, right?

"In every sense of the word," Steve said before pulling Danny into his arms.

A single thought went through Danny's mind before Steve's kiss made it impossible to think at all: It was finally their time.

**End.**

A/N: I hope I did the topics justice while keeping Steve and Danny in character as much as possible. Thanks so much for reading.


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